At My Pace, At My Time...

At My Pace, At My Time!

No sweetheart, am never ever going to settle for anything less, I know my worth and am not ready to settle down with someone just because you think am becoming of age and end up spending the rest of my life being miserable. That is the reply I always give to one my best friend who always nags me to get a man and l start dating.   

She is just barely twenty four years old and you can be surprised how she is so sure that by the time she will be my age, she will be married and almost popping out her first born. I always shake my head, if only she knew how cruel love is, it is not that simple as she tends to think.

You see, am twenty seven years old, in four months’ time, I will be turning twenty eight years old. The African custom has always dictated that once a lady hits the age of twenty five, she should be gearing up for marriage. Dare you get to your thirties and you still single, the looks you get when you go for the get together celebrations in the village especially from your nosy aunties can tell it all. They say ladies age fast and there is no man who would want to end up with a lady who looks the same age as their mother. But l believe aging is all in the mind. For sure, I can swear, that everyday l look in the mirror every morning, all l see is a sweet bubbly “sixteen “. 

The other day, this twenty two year old dude, courageously approached me and started “hitting on me”. Yes, l say he courageously because am the ever tough looking lady and it will take a person, let alone a man  enough courage to walk straight to me and start dilly darling around with his sweet words. Only to tell him l was twenty seven and he couldn’t believe until l had to show him my Identity Card.

I can attest that, healthy living, eating and loving myself has contributed a lot to my positive living especially my “young body”. I always exercise a lot after work, l drink more than four liters of water every day, l keep off from junk, and above all l keep off the stress lanes, especially the unnecessary ones.( A tip for those who want to stay and have a healthy body above all as l said it is all in the mind). My best friends hate that l no longer “take normal supper or dinner” because for my diet is a no carbohydrates as from 3 O’clock every day. Yeah sweetheart l want to have the abs, just like Serena Williams or Naomi Campbell. (Thank God finally l can spot them from a far).

Back to how love can be so cruel. I have ever dated before. My first love was a finalist student in University while I was a first year. I was so naive and I always thank God, because “my love” understood my naivety and I can swear that at no any one time did he ever take advantage of that. He was such a book “warmer” and I remember how I would visit him and all we had to do is sit and read or help him type his thesis. He was an orphan and as such from a humble back ground, I remember at times l would give him money, pay for his notes and all a madly in love lady could do. He finished school and graduated with a first class honors. 

 Long story short, he got a very well paying job in a top outside Kenya but within East Africa and moved into one of the leafy suburbs in Kampala, where the likes of the celebrated singer Bobi Wine used to stay. That is where trouble started, all of a sudden the “bush boy” bought a very expensive laptop and started downloading phonographic videos and used to watch them. Next was his unending desire for sex. Later we broke up, l couldn’t bear. This very same “bush boy” whom l had helped while he was rotting in school with no money had even the audacity to look at me straight in the eyes and tell me how he could go and just stand outside one of the Universities with his Prado (he had bought one and he used to say “Plado”) and get even five girls to have sex with if l refused. The same bush boy whom l believe l helped climb up to success and made me spend my father’s hard earned money on him (my pocket money) was now one stingy person l ever met. Anyway we dated for three years and broke up.

 I met my second lover, after one year of breaking up with my first lover. He was three years older than me and working as an engineer. He had just started working so the income was not all that. It was a long distance relationship as l was in my third year in a university outside Kenya though within East Africa. We were in love, l remember l could travel all the way to Kenya to visit him. He too would travel all the way to visit me. When we met he was at the verge of getting sacked from his work place. He had received his second warning letter and because the father was a “big person” in the said company’s headquarters he somehow got away with the warnings. I remember how l was stern on him, going out was reduced to just Friday unlike the Monday to Monday routine he had for drinking. I used to engage him on phone throughout to keep his mind off alcohol and trust me it worked. 

Story short, he reformed and even got a promotion and his career became so promising. I completed my university studies and moved to Kenya. I was so 100% sure that he was my soul mate. We had even started talking of how many kids we would like to have, where to say and such stuff. In search for green pastures and further studies, l moved to Nairobi as he was staying in a different city. Things changed. He started cheating on me. I remember this one time when l visited him and found a very beautiful necklace and bangle in his dressing table. On inquiring about it, he told me it belonged to his sister; l believed him since his sister used to visit him a lot. Shock on me, the next day, when the sister came to visit me and my lover was not around. The sister saw the beautiful necklace and asked me where l got if from and persuaded me to give it to her as a sourveniour. l almost got a heart attack, when l thought it was hers just as my lover had told me. I guess it belonged to some “whore” whom he had probably met at one of his drinking escapades because l never even bothered to ask. We would quarrel a lot and finally the worst happened. He met a beautiful lady on one of the social sites whom he started dating and when they agreed to meet, they “sinned” and the lady got pregnant. He asked the lady to abort maybe because of the fear that l would know but the lady refused. Later the lady contacted me and told me all about it. Of course l hurled insults at her and she told me how she had trapped him because he was rich and used to send her money and lots of non sense. Just like that, l lost my lover my “soul mate”. Sadly, he now lives the most miserable life. With a woman he does not love, and he always calls me and at times ends up crying asking me to get back to him, to give him another chance. No way. It was never met to be.

So friends tell me, how again on earth am l going to settle for someone just because time is rushing? If the people l so dearly loved stabbed my back, how do l love and trust again? You see just, two weeks ago, l started a Novena session. I wake  usually wake up at 5 and pray, l talk to God and basically l pray to God for a God given soul mate,  I pray for a good job, I pray for my country and pray for everyone that God may fulfill the desires of their hearts as they call upon his name. It is going to take me thirty one days for my Novena Session, and that will not be the end of my conversation with God it is going to be a forever session.

But again, am ready to date, but not just date anyone. A man who will love and respect me, someone who knows how to love. An outgoing man (am a very social and outgoing person, l hate boring people, l hate boredom, life is too short). A prosperous man, a successful man. The wise men once said, “If your father is poor, that is your destiny, but if your husband is poor, that is your mistake”. AM not ready to make a mistake (I will get that Bible verse that says the same too) am a hard working person so why should l not go that successful person? Otherwise earning more days in my father’s compound will be my joy as am not ready to settle for anything less.  Because l will gladly reciprocate the same and more as love is my maiden name. Above all my happiness counts.

WHAT IS YOUR STORY?

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