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| Remember Life still goes on even after the Break up! |
We all got stories to tell about that one relationship that
you banked on that didn’t turn out the way you had expected. That one
relationship that made you feel as the luckiest being ever on Earth, from the
lovey - lovey night chat texts, the chocolate gifts, the incredible love cards,
the cuddles, kisses, the evening walks, valentine celebrations etc., we have
all been there, experienced them and suffered the tragedy of still losing that
one person who made you feel like the only person on Earth.
There is no denying it, if you have never been in this
situation either in your teens or young adulthood, then you missed out on what
love really meant. The power of love was so strong to the extent of disobeying
parents, sneaking out of the house at night, just to be with them. I mean this
feeling was great, life was sweat, we owned the world, we had the world against
us, and we were ready to fight the world together and conquer it. The power of
love was so great, remember the love songs we sang to them? The candle lit
dinners? How we bragged to our friends about them? How our phones’ screen
savers had the pic as the wall paper? The pocket sized photos in our wallets
and porches?
We still lost them. Is this even acceptable? This people
were supposed to be part of us till death do us part, right? Lesson learnt, we
can plan about tomorrow but still, tomorrow is unknown. Relationships are beautiful;
the love in them is enormous so is the pain and suffering of the aftermath of a
break up.
Why is it so
difficult to recover after a break up?
Often, we invest so much into a relationship and forget
about us. We give them so much freedom so that they have control over us, they
decide on what to do, what to wear, where to go. We virtually turn into robots
without our knowledge, our mind is therefore set into believing that whatever they
say is right and should not be disputed. This is the painful reality that none
of us may see or realize when we are still attached, a painful reality that
strikes us once we get out of the relationship.
These emotional attachment and lose of sense of self belief is
one of the key reasons as to why, it’s very difficult for one to recover from a
break up. Why?
Pretty
simple, where do you begin? From what angle do you recollect yourself yet you
had given someone else full control over you? They made all decisions, decided
on the budget, defined for you what was right and what was wrong. Then one
morning, you wake up and find yourself all alone, they are gone. Apart from the
emotional pain and torture you have to undergo after losing them, you still
have bigger pain and struggle to undergo, re-collecting yourself afresh and regaining
the “YOU” that you had given to them. This is not an easy task; it has led to
most people falling into depression and suicide contemplation.
You could understand and feel their pain when they open up
and speak out on how valuable the relationship was for them, on how much they
had invested into the relationship and how all that has come down crumbling, without
a warning.
Is that Break up the
End of Life?
Surprisingly, however painful and stressful the break up may
look, it may just be a sigh of relief and the beginning of better things in
life. But how is this possible?
- Take an audit of your attachment to them, what positives can you draw from it? What negatives can you draw from it? Finally, better the positives and use the negatives as learning lessons for future engagements.
- Gives you an opportunity to rediscover yourself and regain control of “YOU”. Finally, you will not be doing things to please anyone but yourself. You become your own boss and learn to say NO when appropriate and YES when appropriate.
- You discover and decide on the type of life you want to live, and how best to live it without interference. When you finally get to settle down with someone again, you get to outline your expectations to them and let them see whether they are up to them.
- The break up is also a blessing in disguise; it gives you more time to dedicate on other important things in life like building your career and growing your business enterprise.
You see, the beauty of life is in time, life gives us time
to heal and recover from pain. It gives us another chance to begin afresh,
better and wiser, preparing us greatly and equipping us fully for the next
steps in life. The beauty of life is in “us” and “us” learning from yesterday,
forgiving them that hurt and caused us so much pain, releasing them from our
hearts and focusing our energies on new adventures, always being grateful for
the lessons the pain caused us.
A friend once asked me, “Pete, can someone really recover
fully from a break up?” my answer was “Yes, but the decision lies in them, no
one can help you recover from that chaotic break up, if inside you, you haven’t
released them, forgiven them and decided to let the past be”. The early you
release and let the past go with them, the faster your journey to recovery is
and the better for you.
My piece of advice to anyone who undergoes a break up is “Let
go and let go” “If it was meant to be, it will be” meanwhile the world does not
stop because they are no longer with you. Bills must be paid, school goes on,
taxes must be paid, the law must be obeyed, and they are probably going on with
life as if nothing happened. Therefore,
stop worrying yourself and begin leading your life the best way possible
Spend the now available time to develop yourself both
academically and career wise for the future.
it is never the end.
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