Relationships and Breaks - The Bitter Sweet Decision!

"Love is the 7th sense that destroys all the six senses and makes the person believe nonsense" ~ retorted one of my friends who had just come from a bitter argument with her fiancee.

"Our love is like the wind, I can't see it, but I can feel it" She had once told me this and true to it, Ashley  and Brian, were the best couple I have ever met. Cheerful, always smiling together, in fact we all used to envy their love life. That's why on this day, I was surprised to meet Ashley alone on my way to Church. Normally, you could find the perfect couple dressed to kill in matching clothing, walking briskly to church. What more could a man ask for? Ashley, where is Brian? "Its a long story Pete, we need to talk after church.At this juncture, I knew all was not well.

So I offer to buy her lunch cause I wanted to hear the long story. We get into this restaurant she seated across me, I look into her eyes, and the only thing I could read was a broken soul, a wounded heart, she smiled at me tears forming in her eyes, and said "Pete I am good but not an angel, I do sin but I am not a devil. I am just an innocent girl, who sought Love, who gave it all but  what do I get in return? A betrayal, "a outta my life treatment" by a man I cared so much, I loved so much Pete.. betrayal!" she said tears rolling down her beautiful cheeks. I stretch my hands across the table, hold her hands tightly, look into her eyes and say "Ashley, look at me, it shall be well, come down" In my mind asking myself, why would a man hurt such a beautiful lady? Such a harmless angel?

Hi, what should I serve you? asked a waiter who had all along been watching us, Menu please I told him as I handed Ashley a handkerchief. As we ate our meal, Ashley definitely, not seeming to have any appetite, began "You see Pete, I don't know if I should be sharing this with you but I think I should" "Hey, feel free, if you feel you want to talk it out and I am the best person please do, but if you are not comfortable please don't" I told her. She smiled and said "Pete you don't have to get too official with me". The smile was a sign of hope, and I knew she was ready to speak, and she spoke "Pete what do men want in a relationship? What didn't I give your friend? love? company? his household chores? I did everything for him because I loved him and wanted the best for both of us, but apparently, my best seemingly wasn't enough" All this while, she hadn't told me what happened but I could bet this was a case of a love triangle.

Wrong. I was wrong, apparently there was nothing like a love triangle, it was worse than that. My friend Brayo had decided to have a break and Ashley wasn't ready. Reason? He wanted to concentrate in his studies ( He was taking his MBA classes). I laughed this off, and knew this was the lamest excuse I have ever heard. Are you sure this is the only reason? I don't think so, and that hurts me so much. She said. You see, it had never occurred to me that studies could be part of reasons why people ask for breaks in a relationship, so I perfectly understood her predicament. We finished our meals and drinks and I promised Ashley that I was going to speak with my friend..

All this while, my biggest question had been; when is the right time for couples in a relationship to decide that they need a break? Taking a break from a relationship is a huge decision with a lot of consequences, you see some people take a break in a positive way and renew their love for one another, while for others, this is a break up. Do we need breaks in a relationship? What are the benefits for such breaks?

I was doing some research and this what I found out (This might not entirely be all the benefits, certainly there are more)

1. We all need the "me space", and breaks in a relationship gives you that time.
2. Finding yourself, relationships can some time make one carried away, breaks offers you that opportunity to find yourself, reconnect with the inner you rather than as a couple
3. Learning if you are compatible, you need a break to take stock and see whether both of you are compatible. What are your likes and dislikes? Hobbies? 
4. Making sure its love, breaks will offer you that opportunity to see whether this was love or not. Remember, without love, a relationship is as good as dead.
5. Realizing you miss your partner. Yes, breaks give you that opportunity to miss your partner, and learn on how to make most of your time together.
6. Time to think and rekindle the sparkle. There is always the danger of couples getting used to one another and losing the love and feelings they had at the initial stages of their love - life. Breaks offers a perfect opportunity for couple to find the lost sparkle.
7. A break in a relationship sometimes saves it. Yes, as you take time to rediscover and re-ignite the sparkle you had for one another, both of you get into the relationship with renewed vigor to make things happen. 
8. Gives your partner and you a chance for your hearts to grow fonder..

Back to Ashley's predicament. I invited Brian for a cup of coffee that evening, as we discussed Ashley's feelings, it occurred to me that actually what Brian, needed was a break from the relationship because he thought, things were moving so fast and the MBA classes was just an excuse, after all, he was in his second semester, meaning in his first semester both were good together. As we walked out of the restaurant, my advice to Brian was; One "Man, you need to work on your excuses, that MBA thing was fake and unintelligent." Two "Apologize to Ashley for the lame excuse, and both of you need to seat together, let her know that you need a break, let her clearly understand why this break is important and let both of you agree on the time duration." The last time I checked, they had paid me a visit in my place for supper, your guess is as good as mine, things worked out.

REMEMBER; "Every Relationship has its problems, but what makes it perfect is if you still want to be together when things go Wrong"