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Just How Much Should I give in A Relationship?

What is the secrete of a happy Couple?
Its December holiday yes...finally we going back home, free from the daily hustles, free from work, free from the stressful life of the city and yes, free from those annoying bills,( you know those little daily coins, you have to part with for the Boda Boda guy to get his meals, and those monies you got to part with for the matatu tout and his driver to earn a living, what of the 10, 20 30 bob coins for mama mboga? and the the ones for the Madondo kibanda mama? ) I am talking about those bills.

Don't forget the Okoa Jahazi bills and the blacklisting from M-shwari.  This is life in the city, this is the real struggle we undergo in the city, you got to work to survive, you got to work harder for the city to accept and accommodate you. But now we are going back home, home where we belong, home where its, wake up, eat, hang out with you cousins, uncles, aunts, etc. Home where there's food in plenty, no hustling, no spending home sweet home! I mean its Christmas and Christmas is best served at Home!

On the eve of the festive day, 24th, the magic 24th just before 25th (Do you feel me? do you feel the aura of joy and happiness allover?)  we decide for an evening coffee chat with my childhood friends, yes plus cousins and everyone. By now we are old, its true, it's has been several years now & we have kept this as a culture. The evening of Dec 24th is a strong tea day, so in a group of 10, four ladies, six men all from different cities in the country, we seated here taking strong tea with natural tangawizi leaves, getting to catch up and get along. By the way Pete when are we  walking  you down the aisle? We need to see your kids, one of my female cousins threw that at me, I laugh it off and say "I don't know" I just broke up with my gal and it will take me a while before I begin  dating again, so if you wanna walk me down the aisle, you have to be very patient... everyone bursts out laughing, some saying its high time one of us broke the jinx and opened up the way for the rest, some saying marriage is complicated, some sharing experiences from break ups to breaks in their relationship.

My Childhood friends and I during the 2015 Dec Holls. Then I threw this to everyone "But guys what is the secrete of a happy relationship?" "Know how much you give and contribute to the relationship". One lady said, But what do you mean by "how much" one guy asked. Its simple, she says, from time, commitment, finances, a listening ear, me-with-you time etc just agree on those. This discussion goes on and on as darkness is creeping in. At the end of it all I gathered the following lessons which I believe are very crucial.

Just How Much Should I give In A Relationship? "The much you expect from them" "That is the much you should give"

Its never  receive and receive from them relationship, rather its  I receive and give to them relationship. But more importantly, I learnt the following secretes from my crew.

Respect you partner ~ Very important, they left everyone else just to be with you, respect them, make your feelings known to them, let them know that you care about them, let them know that you truly love them. Remember, if you show them love, they will definitely love you back.

Expectations ~ Set your expectations right the first time. Be realistic, don't promise them heaven when you can't provide it. Be real, let them love you and choose to be with the real you because they love you and not because of the expectations.

Spend time together ~ Powerful, the "Me-with-you" time. stick together be more just lovers. Be a friend, create time for the two of you be there for one another at the end, you will build a strong bond that will last ages and ages. Always spend time together!

Don't expect them to change ~ Remember you found them after many years of their survival on earth, don't expect them to change because they wont and you will get hurt. Keep up with their faults, love them for who they are, be ready to put up with their faults because no one is perfect. Not you, not me!

Communicate ~  Relationships break up because of poor communication. Key to survival of any union is communication. What happens when your partner is away and doesn't call you all day? That's how they feel when you don't communicate. So, pick up the phone, send a text, use whatsapp, or just call to check on them.

Honesty ~ Very very important. Trust builds a relationship, without trust a relationship is as good as its dead. Enough said. Be open and honest to them if you want the relationship to have a chance of survival.

This and many more I learnt are some key steps to build a long  lasting relationship.

Very sad the festive season is finally over, you need to get back to the noisy city. No free ready prepared meals. No more evening walks and chats. No more strong tea with your childhood friends and family which is cheap and sweet than Java's expensive coffee. Instead you are welcomed by  Njaanuary, just to remind you,
"Hey, welcome back to the city,where you must work hard to survive but work harder to be accommodated and accepted"

Comments

  1. A look at the current relationship struggles and even marriages, all the vices happening, and most of all that people are marrying coz of convinience really discourages and makes someone opt for single life.wish true love existed

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